I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
