I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
