She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
