Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
