I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His hands were made for my vagina.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
