one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
