Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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