dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
