why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
