Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
