WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
