I hate all girls vehemently.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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