i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
