genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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