literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
