So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
