Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
