Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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