You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
