don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
