i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
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