All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
