we have officially lost it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
