if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
