I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
