Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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