Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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