I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's always time for handjobs
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
