I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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