Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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