Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
