She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
