You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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