i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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