OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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