My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
