yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
