New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
