Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
