Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
