You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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