What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
