He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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