is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
