My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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