my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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