it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
