My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
