i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
