Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The air was thick with penises
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
