ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
