theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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