WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
