Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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