I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
