There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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