Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
