Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize