Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
