We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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