What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
